testing with a guest author

As I open my eyes each morning and ask: Why did I wake up this morning? What did I do to deserve another day on this world?

As I sit up in my bed and stretch my hands I ask: Why was I given a body that can move so freely?

As I wash my hands I ask: Why was I given the privilege to be part of the chosen nation? Why was I given a healthy heart that beats on its own? Why was I given healthy lungs that allow me to breathe so freely? Why was I given healthy kidneys that forever clean all blood in my body? Why was I given a family to love? Why?

And as I started to ask the question “why” to all the facets of my life, I actually started to feel a newfound sense of happiness. I started to feel grateful. And most of all I started to feel so loved. Loved by my Creator. All the thousands of underserving gifts I experience each day feel like the deepest expressions of love from my loving Father.

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It’s the question I find my mind asking again and again. Just plain “Why?”

Why is my life so hard? Why is my day filled with so many struggles? Why can’t I attain all those things I aspire for? Why don’t I have the special children that I see others have? Why don’t I have their money, and why don’t have their happiness? Why?

And I’ve heard the common answer to this question (after all, it really does boil down to one question): “You have the life that you’re meant to have. It’s the perfect life for you. The pleasure and joy that you see by others are good for them and only for them. Every day in your life is a day that is tailored just for you.”

While this answer to some degree counteracts the thoughts of “life is not fair,” it doesn’t give me a sense of happiness. I’m not feeling very grateful about “my tailored life”. As much as I believe that this life is perfect for me, I still wish that I had a life that was tailored just for me without pain and struggles. And as much as I know that the joy that I see by others is not meant for me, I still think: “If I was only them then a life of joy and happiness would be a life that was meant just for me.”